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T.S.DENISON e^ COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS CHICAGO, 



■W' 




A.f>^4if4fifP*A 



FRiOE. I5*t 



DENiSON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price 15c each. Postpaid^ Unless Different Price is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 23^ hrs (25c) 8 8 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (.25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2y2 

hrs = (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 5 
As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2J4 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 9 3 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2li 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts. 2, '4 hrs. 

(25c) : 7 4 

College Town, 3 acts, 254 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr. 

(25c) 17 14 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert. 4 

acts, 2^4 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2i< 

hrs v25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-ni-Chier, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, l-)4 h. (.^5c).Optnl. 
liveryyouth, 3 acts, 1 J.^ hrs. 

(25c) 7 6 

Face at the Window, 3 acts. 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fascinators, 40 min (25c) 13 

•fftn'on the Podunk Limited, 

,.U/2 hrs (25c) 9 14 

IJtiress of Iloetown, 3 acts. 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman. 3 acts, 

2 hrs ;..(25c)12 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 21/^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Davs. 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts. 2 '4 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, H^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2^4 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Lexington, 4 acts, 234 h. .(25c) 9 4 



Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 brs. 

(25c) 7-4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

lYz hrs (25c) 10 

*-Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 214 

hrs , (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optnl. 

New VVoman, 3 acts 1 hr.... 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, 1^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25^-^ 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

V/a, hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25c) 10 1 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2}^ hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2J4 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1J4 hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2i/^ h. 8 3 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Tonv, The Convict, 5 acts, 2i/^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h.(25c) 6 4 
Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trip to Storyland, 1^4 hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 214 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town. 3 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 5 3 
Women Who Did, 1 hr. . . (25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min. 3 

Assessdr. The. 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job. 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min ... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap. 20 min....... 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min. ... 3 5 

Box and Cox. 35 min 2 1 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Convention of Papas, 25 min.. 7 

Countrv Justice. 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154W.RandolphSt.. Chicago 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE 
BRIGADE 

A MINSTREL AFTERPIECE 



BY 

HARRY L. NEWTON 

AUTHOR OF 

'A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy," "The Booster Club of Black- 
ville," "A Colored Honeymoon," "The Coontown Thirteen Club," 
"The Goodfellow," "Good Mornin', Judge," "The Heiress of 
Hoetown," "Jayrille Junction," "Laughland, via the Ha 
Ha Route," "Memphis Mose, War Correspondent," 
"Minstrel Cross-Fire" "Oh, Doctor!" "A 
Rehearsal at Ten," "What Hap- 
pened to Hannah," Etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 






.-^^^^ 



The Darktown Fire Brigade 



CHARACTERS. 

Ben Dunn The Nczv Chief 

Knott Yett First Assistant Chief 

Maine Street Second Assistant Chief 

Knowsa Little Third Assistant Chief 

Gone Back The Captain 

Colden Wett Assistant Captain 

A. Little \\'eak The Lieutenant 

Welland Strong Assistant Lieutenant 

Getting A. Long The ''Company^' 

O. Purty Goode Assistant ''Company" 



Scene- — Interior of a Fire Engine House. 



Time — Some Evening. 



Place — Darktozvn; Some State. 



Time of Playing — About Tzcenty-fiz'e Minutes. 



copyright, 1915. BY KRT^tvt pj NORRIS, 
v5^ wi. L> n X 3 5 1 

JUL 29 :m v^ I 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 



COSTUMES. 

Ben Dunn — Misfit Tuxedo suit and fire helmet. On 
coat and vest are a number of burlesque medals (tin tags, 
etc.). Very pompous in manner and speech, as becomes his 
exalted position. 

Knott Yett, Maine Street, Knowsa Little, Gone 
Back, Colden Wett, A. Little Weak and Welland 
Strong all wear misfit evening clothes and fire helmets. 

Getting A. Long — Red woolen shirt, white pants and 
old silk hat. 

O. PuRTY Goode — Red woolen shirt, rubber coat and 
boots and large straw hat. 

Note. — Ben Dunn, Knott Yett, Getting A. Long 
and O. Purty Goode are the chief comedians. 

Gone Back, Golden Wett, A. Little Weak and Wel- 
land Strong should be singers and form the quartette. 



PROPERTIES. 

Telephone on table ; deck of cards ; wooden razor for 
Long ; paper money for quartette ; pair of dice for Strong ; 
slip of paper, watch, cigar and matches for Dunn; garden 
hose ; toy fire engine and hook and ladder ; bugle to be used 
ofif stage. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R C, right center; 
L., left ; 1 £., first entrance ; U. E., upper entrance ; R. 3 E,, 
right entrance, up stage, etc. ; R. D., right door;-L. D., left 
door, etc. ; D. F., door in flat or back of the stage ; up stage, 
away from footlights ; down stage, near footlights ; 1 G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



The Darktown Fire Brigade 



Scene: Assembly room in a fire engine house. Box 
setting, with practical door L and large door C, opening on 
street. At center is table four by six feet, eight chairs. 
On table is a telephone. On back flat is a large gong, to 
ring at finale. At R. of C. a rope is suspended from fly-loft 
to floor of stage, of sufficient strength to sustain the zveigJit 
of two men. Rope is suggested in place of brass pole seen 
in fire houses and used by firemen to slide from sleeping 
quarters to assembly room. Fire axes are a part of zvall 
decorations, while a couple of fire extinguishers are placed 
about the room. 

At rise, Gone Back, Golden Wett, A. Little Weak 
and Welland Strong are discovered seated at table. They 
are playing cards and singing a rollicking song. After song 
they continue their supposed card game. 

Enter Long and Goode, L. 

Long {to card players). Look a heah ; yo' all got to stop 
dat card game. 

Goode. Yes, dis heah ain't no gamblin' joint. Dis am a 
fire engine house company business. {The players pay no 
attention and continue their game.) 

Long. 'Course we ain't doin' no fire business jes' now, 
but yo' kaint never tell. We might has a fire. 

GooDE {sarcastically). Yah; we might. 

Long. And o' course Ah don't want to be rough or 
nothin', but if yo' all don't stop dat game. Ah jes' gott-a 
make yo'. 

Back {looking from Long to Goode). Was yo' gemmen 
addressin' yer vocabulary to us gemmen ? 

Wett. If so, kindly elucidate wid more enraptured 
speech. 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 5 

Weak. We are not in de habit of comin' in direct con- 
tact wid plain liver-lip niggers. 

Strong. Therefore confine yer immediate and undi- 
vided attention to another part of de adjacent atmosphere. 
{They resume card playing.) 

Long {looking at the four players and then at Goode). 
Well, yo' heerd what dey done called yo'. What yo' gwine 
ter do 'bout it? 

Goode {doubtfully and scratching head). Ah don't 
know what yo' am gwine ter do, but if dey called rue names 
like dat, Ah'd make 'em prove it. 

Back {to Goode). Oh, dat done include yo', too. 

Goode {angrily). Does yo' mean dat? 

Back {springing to his feet threateningly). Ah sure 
does, yo' smoky chunk of atmosphere! 

GooDE (backing away). Oh, well, dat's all right, den. 
Ah jes' didn't want no foolin' bout it. 

Long {to Goode). Say, is yo' gwine ter let him git away 
wid dat? 

Back {threateningly, to Long). And dat likewise and 
fo' reasons dat will eventually be disclosed, also takes yo' 
in. {Sits.) 

Long. And Ah hereby, herewith, thereby and hencewith 
declare dat yo' all don't play no more cards. 

Back. Where's yo' authority fo' so forcibly provocatin' 
and conjecturin' yer denounciation without malice afore- 
thought ? 

Long. Right heah. {Pulls large wooden razor from in- 
side coat.) Dis am mah authority. {Flourishes razor.) 
Dis am mah authority, and Ah'm gwine to separate yo' all 
from dat talk yo' been oozin' out of yer systems. {Scatters 
the card players by cutting and slashing zvith his razor. 
The four finally get the table between them and Long.) 

Strong {pidls a zvhite handkerchief from his pocket and 
zvaves it; yells). Safety first! Safety first! 

Long {'modified). Well, dat's all dat saved yo'. How- 
some ever, while Ah'm 'bout it, and has de power of attor- 
ney in mah hand, Ah'm a-gwine ter separate yo' all from 



6 THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 

whatsome ever money yo' may has forthwith and hereby 
on yer persons. 

GooDE {admiringly). Mah goodness! Dat nigger can 
sure sHng some language his self. 

Long {suddenly and sharply to quartette). Hands up! 
Fork over! {Flourishes razor and the members of quartette 
raise their hands above their heads.) 

GooDE {laughing). Gosh all Friday! Dat sure does tickle 
me. Dat nigger dere {indicating Wett) owes me ten 
dollars. 

Wett. Does I owe yo' ten dollars? 

GooDE. Yo' sure does. 

Wett. Ah'm mighty sorry. 

GooDE. Yo' ain't nine-sixths as sorry as I be. 

Long. Cease! Cease talkin' and fork over. {He re- 
lieves Back, Weak and Strong of their money and is just 
about to put his hand in Wett's pocket, ivhen:) 

Wett {to Long). Ah begs yo' pardon, sah ; but could 
Ah put my hand in mah pocket jes' fo' a moment instant? 

Long. Yo' could, but Ah warns yo' dat said hand must 
come forth unencumbered wid any thin' in de line of 
weapons. 

Wett. Oh, dere ain't a-gwine ter be no weapons. 
{Takes a bill from his pocket. To Goode.) Yo' say Ah 
owes yo' ten dollars? 

GooDE. Ah so said. 

Wett. Den heah's yo' ten. {Hands bill to Goode.) 

Goode {takes bill). Ah sure am mighty glad ter meet 
yo'. Mister Ten Bucks. 

Long {relieves Wett of his money, then turns suddenly 
to Goode). Hands up, nigger! Gimme dat ten! {Jerks 
bill from Goode''s hand.) Now we am square all around. 
(Goode is crestfallen, while the others laugh heartily at his 
discomfiture.) 

Strong {raps smartly on table). Gentlemen, please give 
me yer ears. 

Goode. Dat nigger don got mah money, now dis nigger 
wants mah ears. 

Strong {pointedly). Now dat it has come ter pass dat 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 7 

(names local politician) has, as per usual, grabbed all de 
money in sight, it behooves us ter git down to de real busi- 
ness of de evenin'. (Long takes a pair of dice from a 
pocket and rattles them together in significant manner.) 
No, sah ; no crap game. 

Weak. 'Specially as de gent wid de razor has all de 
money. 

Wett. In 'bout two minutes de new chief and his as- 
sistants will have arrove. 

Back. And therefore, to-wit, let it be understood dat 
we gwine ter give him a reception boderin' on de super- 
abundance, pro-tem, a la mode. (Loud fanfare of a bugle 
sounds off C. Strong rtins to C. D. and looks off R.) 

GooDE. We am pinched. Don't give yo' right names. 

Strong (excitedly). He's comin'. Horroo fo' de new 
chief! (The others rim to C. D. The quartette line iip on 
one side, Goode and Long on opposite side. The orchestra 
and quartette burst into a song of zvelcome as — ) 

Yett, Street and Little enter. They line up alongside 
of Goode and Long and then all join in a rousing song of 
greeting. Enter Dunn, pompous, lordly fashion, struts 
proudly betzveen the tivo lines, bozving haughtily right and 
left. He comes dozvn to table, follozved by the others, zvho 
form in an oblique line on either side of him. Then a rous- 
ing three cheers are given for the nezv chief. An idea to 
augment the entrance of Dunn and to add a "bigness" to 
the affair, it is suggested that a brass band be employed 
zvhen available. For instance, the ''tozvn band" zvoidd al- 
ways be glad to donate their services. 

Dunn (after the outburst). Gemmen, Ah am deeply 
gratificated wid enthusiastics over mah reception. (They 
cheer. He looks inquiringly about the room,.) But Ah am 
likewise deeply disappointed at de disappearance of all dec- 
orations. W^here am de flowers ? 

Goode (stepping forzirard and zvith a burlesque salute). 
As de chairman of de committee on flowers. Ah begs to 
report dat de price of flowers was cost so much dat we 
has been unable to done git any. 



8 THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 

Long {stepping forzvard, saluting azukzvardly). Accord- 
ingly we did de next bestest thing. 

Dunn. And what was de next bestest thing? 

Long. We done bought a package of flower seeds so 
yo' kin raise yo' own flowers. (They all cheer and then seat 
themselves. Goode and Long remain standing R. and L. 
of table.) 

Dunn (raps smartly on table). Order, gemmen ; order! 

Yett. Make mine gin. 

GooDE. Me, too. 

Long. Same heah, and I ain't mad at nobody. 

Dunn (raps smartly on table). Order, gemmen; order! 

Yett (disappointedly). Gosh, I ain't had no luck fo' a 
week. 

Dunn. In de bright lexicon of de Darktown Fire Bri- 
gade, der ain't no sich word as gin. De only liquid we 
must pause to consider am water. Water am used fo' to 
fight fire wid, dat's all. (All groan their disappointment.) 

Yett. Dat's all. Dat's a-plenty. 

Dunn. De fust thing Ah like fo' to promulgate is fo' 
to see if we all am heah. (Looks them over and then pro- 
ceeds to read their names from a slip of paper. As he reads 
the last name.) And a finer load of nigger never left a 
jail yard. (Looks suddenly at Long and Goode.) Fo' de 
love of flap-jacks! What's dem two scare-crows? 

Long (zvith a comedy salute). Ah'm de only one in dis" 
fire company dat ain't a officer. 

Dunn. Den who am dat? (Indicates Goode.) 

Long. Dat's de assistant company. All yo' officers has 
assistants, so Ah jes' naturally had to has one. 

Street (rising). Chief, Ah'd like to know and to ask 
if de engine what was broke has been repaired. 

Yett (rising). It have. I done fixed it mahself. And 
Ah done made a good job of it. Whoever done put it to- 
gether in de fust place, didn't know dere business. Ah put 
dat engine together and had three pieces left over. 

Dunn. Good! Dat's de spirit I like to see. 

Little. I reckon den we am all ready to has a fire. 

Dunn. Dat's a matter we knows not of. De way dis 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 9 

department has been conducted, dere has been mighty few 
fires. Our citizens has jes' naturally been afraid to has 
any fires. (Cheers.) But, gemmen, wid me in charge de 
order of things is bound to change. Under my direction 
there will be plenty of fires. (More cheers.) Now, gem- 
men, Ah sees we has wid us tonight fo' gents dat kin sing. 
Ah shall call on de Darktown Quartette fo' to untertain us. 
(The quartette may here introduce a song or tzvo. While 
they are singing Goode and Long play craps, rolling the 
dice on the -floor at R.) 

Dunn (after song, indicating Goode and Long). Heah, 
yo'. What yo' all a-doin' ? 

Goode. Jes' naturally shootin' craps. 

Dunn (to Goode). Come heah, yo'. (Goode goes to 
table.) Gamblin' in dis fire house am agin de rules and 
regumalations. Yo' am herewith fined de lofty and inspir- 
ing sum of one dollar — and de half of another. 

GooDE. Fined a dollar-fifty? Lordy, man, Ah ain't got 
any part of a dollar-fifty. 

Dunn. Den go back and shoot dem dice till yo' has 
got it. (Phone rings and he places receiver to ear.) Hello! 
Yes — hello! Dis am de Darktown Fire Brigade. How's 
dat? Fire? Where 'bouts am dat fire? Sue Johnson's mil- 
linery store ? Oh, shucks ! Yes' a minute. Hold de wire. 
(Very deliberately sets phone and receiver on table, takes 
a cigar from pocket, slowly takes match out, lights cigar 
and puffs on it several times.) Gemmen, de party at de 
other end of de wire says as how Sue Johnson's millinery 
store am all on fire. 

Little. Good. Speakin' as a marrred man. Ah never 
did have any use fo' one of dem millinery stores. 

Street. Nor me. 

Yett. Am also and likewise a married man. 

Back. Ah also has a wife. Let dat store burn. 

Dunn (to all). We'll take a vote. Dose dat wants to go 
to,de fire, say aye; contrary, no. (They chorus a loud 
"no.") De husbands has it. We don't go. Now is dere any 
other business dis evenin'? 



10 THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 

Weak. Ah might suggest dat yo' answer de phone, sir. 

Dunn (hangs vccekcr on hook). Aw, what's de use? 
If we don't go dey'll know we ain't comin'. Now, gemmen, 
according to de rules and regumalations of dis heah de- 
partment, it is necessary fo' me to ask, as a sort of civil 
service examination, a few questions. Yo' must answer 
dese questions to the bestest of your agility; and may de 
good Lord have mercy on yo' souls! {To Yett.) Stand 
up, Knott Yett. (Yett remains seated. To Yett, loudly.) 
Say, yo'. \Miy don't yo stand up? 

Yett. Yo' done tole me to stand up not yet. 

Dunn. Well, I'm speaking etimoligally and not spas- 
modically. Stand up! (Yett rises to feet.) Now, de fust 
question Ah has to ask yo' is, how far is it from de earth 
to de moon ? 

Yett. Ah dont know, but if Ah has fo' to climb dat 
high on a ladder wid a line of hose, Ah. quits right heah. 

Dunn. Squat! (Yett sits. To Goode.) Come heah, 
yo' Alabama kidney-foot stick of coal-tar product. (Good 
approaches table and gives a comedy salute.) It is neces- 
sary accordin' to de rules to has de same time by yo' watch 
as by mine. (Pulls zvatch from his pocket, notes time.) 
shakes it.) Mah watch am stopped. Is yo' watch goin'? 

Goode. Goin' ? It's gone. 

Dunn (motions Goode azvay, disgustedly. To Long.) 
Yo' turn next. Come hither. (Long approaches table, sa- 
lutes azvkzvardly.) Now, yo' don't look it, but maybe yo' 
got brains. \\'ho was de fust president of de United States? 

Long. Has Ah got ter go dat far back ter be a fireman ? 

Dunn. See? I done thought yo' don't know nothin' 
'bout botany. Does yo' acknowledge dat yo' don't know 
who de fust president of de United States was? 

Long. Flow's come I don't know? De fust president 
of de LTnited States was Brooker T. Washington. (A de- 
risive laugh from all the others follows his answer.) 

Dunn. Now Ah'm gwine ter have a little pity on yo'- — 
not much, but a little — and answer yo' question fo' yo'. 
De fust president of de United States was George Was'h- 
ington. Not Brooker T. Washington. 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 11 

Long. WtW, Ah knows 'twas one of dem Washington 
boys. 

Dunn. Fade away, nigger. (Long returns to L.) Ah 
got a fine edicated load of coal heah, Ah. kin see dat. {The 
phone hell rings.) 

Little. Mah goodness ! Business is sure pickin' up. 

Dunn {places receiver to ear). Hello; yes, dis am de 
fire house talkin'. What's dat? Fust time yo' ever heard 
a fire house talk? Don't get sassy. Hey? Jes' a minute. 
Jes' hold de wire. {Same business of deliberation as be- 
fore of lighting cigar, etc.) Gemmen, de report comes in 
ober de wire dat de Methodist Church am on fire. 

Strong. Holy smoke ! 

Weak. Say, what right dey got to has a fire when we 
got a special meetin'? 

Little. Yes, sah. Ah moves dat we insist dat we gits 
thirty days notice fo' we goes ter a fire. 

Back. Dat ain't no mo' den right. 

Wett. Dem's mah views. 

Yett. Yo' am all wrong. Dey should be forced to quit 
havin' any mo' fires. Dem is troublesome things, fires is. 

GooDE. And dey is liable ter happen in de middle of de 
night ; and oh, how Ah loves mah sleep ! ( Yazmts and 
stretches.) 

Long. Or worser still, in de middle of a nice crap game. 
Oh— oh ! 

Street. In de meantime de church am burnin, and de 
man on de phone am waitin'. 

Dunn. Yo' am right. {Leans back, elevates feet on top 
of table and puffs on cigar.) De church, am on fire, and 
we must do our duty. {Finally condescends to place re- 
ceiver to ear.) Hello! No, sah, Ah didn't say nothin' like 
a swear word. Ah simply said hello. Say, yo' tell 'em 
ter keep dat fire burnin' till we gits dere. Good-bye. 
{Hangs up receiver.) 

Yett. Ah moves dat we go home. Ah'm gettin' pow- 
erful sleepy-like. 

Dunn. Ah am de chief — not yo'. Furthermore, dere 



12 THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 

am one or two questions Ah gotta ask. {To Goode.) As 
fo' yo' sail (Goode stands up) Ah done heah yo' been makin' 
remarks to de effect dat yo' and George Washington was 
very much alike in character. Yo' all done make dat re- 
mark ? 

Goode. Yes, sah ; Ah. done make dat remark. 

Dunn. Dat calls fo' explanation, sah. George Wash- 
ington was a great fighter. 

Goode. So am Ah. 

Dunn. George Washington was a wonderful statesman. 

Goode. So am Ah. 

Dunn. Now Ah got yo'. George Washington never 
told a lie. 

Goode. And dat's where Ah got it on him. 

Dunn. Now, gemmen, I think everything am goin' ter 
be all right. Yo' all will make a fine bunch, of firemen. 
Fo' de closin' of our meetin' dis evenin', Ah suggest dat 
our worthy bunch of chicken lifters, de quartette, sing us 
another song. 

(The quartette responds, or one or two of the others 
may introduce a specialty or song. While songs are being 
introduced, Goode and Long exeunt L. They discard their 
outer clothing and do?i night gozvns. The gowns reach 
about to their knees, disclosing red underzvear and green 
socks, but both, however, wear their hats. At conclusion 
of the song phone bell rings. Dunn very deliberately an- 
szvers the call.) 

Dunn. Hello! Yes, sah; but jes' wait a minute. Wait 
till Ah lights mah see-gar. (Lights it.) Hello! Now go 
ahead. (Excitedly.) What? Say, please repeat dat again! 
What! Yo' don't say so! (Drops receiver, turns to others 
excitedly.) Boys, what yo' all think? De Shonenfest 
Brewery is on fire! 

(All rush madly to C. D. and exeunt, yelling vociferously. 
Dunn pauses long enough to yell at Goode and Long, 
off L., that the brezvery is afire, then he dashes off and 
through C. D. Wild yells are heard off L., then Goode 
and Long, in night gozvns, come sliding dozvn rope. Goode 



THE DARKTOWN FIRE BRIGADE. 13 

comes first and falls flat as he hits the floor. Long slides 
down on top of him. They scramble for an instant, then 
regain their feet; each seizes the string attached to the toy 
fire engine and hook and ladder and together they make 
a mad dash once around stage and through C. D.) 

Curtain. 



Second Curtain. 

Red fire is burned at back C. Dunn is discovered just 
outside of doorzvay with a garden hose, throwing zvater on 
GooDE, ivJio is standing a short distance from Jiim. 

Curtain. 



Denison's Vaudeville Monologues 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

HEY, RUBE! — Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 
15 minutes. Reuben Spinach, from Yapton, visits Chicago for the 
first time. The way he tells of the sights and what befell him 
would make a sphinx laugh. 

KILLARNEY BLARN EY.— Irish monologue, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 1 male. Time, 1.5 minutes. Barney McGooggen's stories of 
himself and his friend Casev reach the apex of Irish wit. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 1 male. Time, about 10 minutes. A laugh every 
two seconds on a subject which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by 
Harry L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 female. Time, 5 min- 
utes. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts about 
men which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

MRS. CLANCY'S CONFESSION.— Monologue, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 1 female. Time, 10 minutes. Mrs. Clancy says: "Marriage 
is a great institution — for the blind, as it opens the eyes quicker 
than anything else in the world." 

MY FRIEND FRITZ. — Dutch monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 
1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Hans Snitzer, a German but not from 
Milwaukee, has some funny experiences. His Turkish bath story 
will thaw out anv audience. 

PETE YANSEN'S GURL'S MODER.— Swede monologue, by Char- 
ley Varley; 1 male. Time, 10 minutes. Yansen is "yust" from 
"Min-ap-lis" where they make good Swede "yokes." 

SI AND I. — Country girl monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 
female. Time, 15 minutes. Samantha Simpkins of Squashville and 
her beau, Si, visit Chicago. 

SILLY SAMMY'S SECRETS.— Country kid monologue, by Harry 
L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 10 minutes. A merry message of mirth 
sent direct from "down on the farm." 

A SUNNY SON OF ITALY.— Italian monologue by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Dis-a country no much-a 
good for Italian mans. German mans he make -a all de beer; 
Jew mans he make-a all de money; Irish mans he made-a all de 
politicians and hold -a all de soft-a snap jobs. What-a you know 
about dat, eh? 

A SWIFT PROPOSITION.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 
male. Time, 15 minutes. There are various kinds of vehicles, but 
"A Swift Proposition" is one which will transport any audience 
into a realm of mirth. 

A TRAMP WITH A TRAMP.— Tramp monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Nifty Nick, a gentleman of 
leisure, who tramps along a highway of mirth, where each "hand 
out" is a bunch of laughs. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZI NSKI.— Jew monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Rozinski, 
a buttonhole maker, is forced to join the union and go on a 
"strike." He has troubles every minute that will tickle the ribs 
of both Labor and Capital. 

UNCLE BILL AT THE VAUDEVI LLE.— Rube monologue, by 
Harry L. Newton; 1 male. Time, 15 minutes. Uncle Bill Bilkins, 
a wise old Rube, attends the continuous vaudeville and sees the 
"hull durn show." 

WOMEN'S WAYS. — Monologue, by Harry L.. Newton; 1 male. 
Time, 15 minutes. There are two kinds of women of which men 
should beware, the married and the unmarried. Both have curi- 
ous ways, which are told in a most humorous manner. 

WORDS TO THE WISE. — Monologue, by Harry Newton; 1 male. 
Time, about 15 minutes. A typical vaudeville act, which is fat 
with funny lines and rich, rare hits. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 134 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



Denison*s Vaudeville Sketches 

''A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market. ^^ 
Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

BREAKFAST FOOD FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
L. Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple 
interior. Seldom Sells, a drummer for bottled spring water and 
condensed milk, and Carrie Samples, a breakfast food demonstra- 
tor, meet in a small freight office during a snow blockade. Once 
they were friends, but strangers now; however, while appeasing 
their hunger with their samples a reconciliation is affected. This 
sketch is a decided novelty and one of the most choice morsels of 
humor ever served. 

THE CABMAN AND THE LADY.— Vaudeville sketch, adapted by 
William D. Emerson; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 30 minutes. Played 
a number of seasons wath great success by "Emerson, Caffray and 
Emerson." It is a scream. 

A COLD FINISH.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 
males, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: An interior. A 
cheeky life insurance agent forces himself into the home of a 
wealthy lady. Her attempt to get rid of him is side splitting. It 
has an unexpected finish which is always a great hit in vaude- 
ville. Really a two-part sketch, as the iceman has only a few 
lines. 

THE COUNTERFEIT BILLS.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. A long lost sailor 
returns and in explaining his absence to his wife, finds he has 
steered into rough weather. As a peace-offering he gives her a 
large "roll of bills" and she admits having a second husband 
named Bill; however both prove counterfeit. There is a dash of 
wit and a foam of humor in the Old Salt's tale of adventures 
that cannot fail to delight. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple interior. 
Maizy von Billion, of athletic tendencies, is expecting a boxing 
instriactor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize fighter, to "try 
him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, is 
mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that 
is a surprise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple rural 
exterior. By terms of a will. Rose Lark must marry Reed Bird or 
forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never met and when he 
arrives Timothv Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for Pink 
Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 
Chance for songs and specialties if desired, 

"We presented 'Fresh Timothy Hay' with great success." — 
Frank S. Wildt, Lancaster, Pa. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman: 1 male, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. 
Scene: Simple interior. Charlotte Russe, an actress, is scored 
by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" she seeks the 
critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the 
critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. 
A great Jew part. 

"Under the team name of Herbert and Elliott we are making a 
big hit with 'Glickman, the Glazier.' Your 'stuff' is the best ever." 
— C. W. Herbert. Spokane, Wash. 

T. S. DENISON 6i COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DEN I SONS 
VAUDEVILLE 




Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 

For Male Characters 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

THE COMING CHAMPION.— Colored sketch 
with a burlesque boxing bout, by Harry L. New- 
ton. 2 males. Scene: A restaurant. A black 
waiter and a mulatto fight promoter. A twenty 
minute "go" in which humor wins in a cyclone 
finish. 

A DUTCH COCKTAIL.— Vaudeville talking 
act, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. Time, 20 
minutes. Wienerwurst and Schmerekaze con- 
coct a Dutch mixture that will tickle the most 
exacting and fun-craving palate. 

FIVE MINUTES FROM YELL COLLEGE.— Dutch, rapid-fire 
talking act, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. 
Jack Schmaltz, who got the learning, and his uncle, who paid 
for it. A ludicrous investigation into the value of higher edu- 
cation. 

FOR REFORM. — Political satire for a singing quartette, by Harry 
L. Newton; 4 males. Time, 20 minutes. The boss, the ward 
heeler, the reform candidate and the office boy. The wheels of 
this political machine are lubricated with real humor. 

THE LITTLE RED SCHOOL HOUSE.— A burlesque sketch on 
education for a singing quartette, by Harry L. Newton; 4 males. 
Time, 20 minutes. Heine Picklebrodt, the German teacher. John- 
nie Redd, the bad boy. Willie Green, the nice boy. Ikey Gold- 
silver, the Hebrew boy. A school where scholars and mirth run 
rampage, heeding not the teacher's rules. Any number of songs 
can be introduced. 

OSHKOSH NEXT WEEK.— A sketch for a singing quartette, by 
Harry L. Newton; 4 males. Time, 20 minutes. Three hungry 
young actors without money waiting for next week's engagement 
and an ingenious bell boy, who injects enough action and humor 
into the situation, to keep their thoughts from dwelling long on 
home and ham and eggs well done. Any number of songs can 
be introduced. 

AN OYSTER STEW.— A rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 2 males. Time, 10 minutes. Dick 
Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, not so wise. This act is filled 
to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, pointed puns and hot 
retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry 
L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Hans, 
a German mixer. Gus, another one. Unique ludicrous Dutch 
dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witticisms. 

THE RECRUITING OFFICE.— Vaudeville talking act, by Harry 
Li. Newton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Irish comedians, "rough 
and straight." A laughing novelty with just enough plot to make 
the hinges work smoothly. 

A SPECIAL SALE. — Jew sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 males. 
Time, 15 minutes. Anson, a pawnbroker, sells Solomon a coat at 
a reduction. Save up your laughter for this sale. 

TWO JAY DETECTIVES.— A rural riot of comedy, by Harry L. 
Newton; 3 males. Time, 15 minutes. Two correspondence school 
detectives, a busy landlord, ludicrous clues and humorous deduc- 
tions. The shadowing and the investigations of these Reubens un- 
cover some real mirth. 

THE UMBRELLA MENDER.— Vaudeville act. by Harry L.. New- 
ton; 2 males. Time, 15 minutes. Beginning with a shower and 
ending in a downpour of Jew jokes and Irish gags. 

I. S. DEMSON £i COMPANY, 134 W. Randolph St., Chicailo 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 23 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min.... 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min..., 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Etubbins' Book Agen*-, ^0 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min.. 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea. 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min. . ..... 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min - 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Smith, the Aviator, 40 min... 2 3 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger. 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min..... 3 2 

Those Red l-^nvelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn' Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo. 20 m. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.... 3 3 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent. 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marrv^ 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min ..3 2 

Wide Enough for Two. 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Babv. 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, IMON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min.... 2 3 
Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell Col- 
lege, 15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run. 1 5 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 I 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 ra. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah ©f Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I. 15 min 1 

Special Sale. 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 

15 min 1 

Uncle Teff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min. 5 1 

A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Piays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 1 54 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTAI 

Price, Illustrated Paper Co 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



tk LITTLE PEOPirS 




-DENISO^r 
& COMPANY 
PU6USHERS CHICAGO 



N this Series 
ire found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Cornic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 
Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 



Tl 



Sc. 




015 910 048 

Choice collections, patnct 
morous, descrij 
poetry. 14 Nos., 

DRILLS 



descriptive, prose, 
per No. 25c. 



The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks'* Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials-. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland,vla the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Cataloeue Free 



T,S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers. 1 54 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



